The following is an excerpt from Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids by Melanie Notkin (William Morrow/HarperCollins). 

As you probably know, you may not be the only possible choice for a legal guardian that your nieces’ and nephews’ parents have. And I think the savviest thing to do in this situation is to help those parents objectively decide who’s best for the job. After all, the nieces’ and nephews’ well-being is the most important thing.

I asked family legal expert Darlynn Morgan for her advice on the subject.

First, parents should make the longest list they can of everyone they know who might make a good guardian, including all those who would provide a better home for the children than the foster care system would provide. (However, this doesn’t mean candidates should be excluded for financial reasons. A well-counseled estate plan will ensure that there are enough financial resources available for the care of your nieces and nephews.)

Although most parents will say that their single most important consideration is that their children are raised by someone who loves them, the truth is that many other factors will play a role in what sort of upbringing the children may have without the parents. What sort of religious environment (or lack thereof) will they be raised in? Who else would live with the ParAunt and the kids? Would the kids have to move away from where they’ve grown up in order to live with a particular ParAunt?

To keep both sides of the family close and involved—not just with the legal process, but with the nieces and nephews on a personal level— some parents may consider naming members from one side of the family as guardians to care for the children, but members from the other side as trustees to manage the assets.

What if you haven’t made the final cut, Auntie? In that case, ask how you can help the guardians and get those privileges put in writing. For example, the parents may stipulate that you have certain visitation rights with your nieces and nephews. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your nieces and nephews should it ever come to that.

Published: January 31, 2012